So today's Suicide Prevention Day.

Also, it was supposed to be the day that I had my throat endoscopy, which is something you have to go under for and it's not safe to drive home after that, at least not alone. But I didn't have a ride home because my husband is at NTC on the other side of the country (a month of deployment training) and my nearest real friends are in North Carolina (Carolyn) and Fucking Narnia Australia (Fizzy, who by the way got me into SPN fandom in the first place), and I texted the only other person who I can call a friend without that person looking at me like I've lost my mind and she still hasn't gotten back to me so...yeah.

I couldn't have the procedure done, and I left the hospital failing to fight back tears. Dammit, I'd even parked in the parking garage for that appointment, and parking garages are fucking creepy, even at 1130!

So I sit in my car and let it all out for a bit (but not long enough to get a crying headache, thank Chuck) and decided to take my fucking pity party on the road. Fine then! So what if I have no in-person friends at the moment? I'll just do what I always do (well, when we're solvent) when Chris is gone and I have the car--I'll go to Syracuse and get some of my road-trip ya-yas out (I think I love driving as much as Dean does, and my car is more gas-efficient) with the oh-so-fine excuses of Barnes & Noble and Hobby Lobby, neither of which can be found in Watertown. It was an occasionally weepy drive (when left to my own devices, pity parties tend to go on until they're done), and damn if the radio station I was listening to didn't cut out during "With A Little Help From My Friends," the Joe Cocker version from the freaking Wonder Years and seriously, fuck you, Universe.

But it was a fun shopping trip, and it wasn't a big one so go me on that account. I got a couple of crochet magazines at B&N, and yarn and notebook-decorating stuff at Hobby Lobby.

And every place that I stopped at, including Chili's for lunch and the gas station where I filled up before going back, every single one, I wound up parked within two or three spots of a Chevy Impala. XD I didn't even do it on purpose! (None of them a black '67 though, alas.) It was like the fandom saying "even though we live in your computer, we're still your friends." I know that coincidences happen and that I'm reading too much into this, but I'm lonely and I'll overthink shit if I damn well feel like it.

(And that there is why I first posted this at my SPN fandom Tumblr. Also this...)

And when I was pulling into the gas station, Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" was playing, which was awesome 'cause I'm reading Nyxocity's Homework 'Verse (plus now I totally get the title of the main story!), which is also awesome (Jensen/Jared, teacher/student and beyond graduation, good story and chock full of really spectacular porn).

And then AC/DC's "Big Balls" was playing when I left the gas station, and that song is just awesome on its own.

I was kind of hoping "Every Little Kiss" by Bruce Hornsby and the Range would play while I was passing through Watertown since the sun was just starting to set, but there's probably a town ordinance against that or something 'cause that's gotta be beyond old for the full-time residents of Watertown. :P

And it's also my stepdad's, and I got home in time to chat with him a bit before he and my mom went out to dinner, so that's good too. I guess this day didn't suck too badly. :)