simonejester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
simonejester) wrote2010-10-01 06:59 am
simonejester) wrote2010-10-01 06:59 am
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Fifty Things A Woman Should Never Do
Made into a bold-the-ones-you've-done meme by (LJ)bloodslides. :)
1. Buy underwear at a thrift store. [In fact, just don't buy underwear unless it's sealed. Most department stores let you return underwear.]
2. Tell another woman, “You don’t look that fat.”
3. Stab another woman in the chest with a salad fork for saying, “You don’t look that fat.”
4. Believe a man who is not making eye contact but says, “Go ahead, I’m listening.”
5. Get a “tramp stamp” on your lower back.
6. Get a tattoo anywhere. [Aw, why not?]
7. Get a mullet.
8. Date one of your girlfriend’s exes.
9. Inject a neurotoxin into your face.
10. Expect your relationships to be anything like a romantic comedy.
11. Take advice from Oprah’s latest guru.
12. Be rude to a server.
13. Let anyone mentally, physically, or verbally abuse youor your children.
14. Apply eye makeup while driving and/or stopped in traffic.
15. Ask your man, “Do you think she looks prettier than me?” (He doesn’t. He really, really doesn’t.)
16. Eat garlic, spinach, or corn on the cob on a first date.
17. Wear makeup to bed.
18. Attend a wedding looking better than the bride.
19. Apologize for being modest or chaste.
20. Think anyone wants to see pictures of your cat(s).
21. Let a girlfriend who has been drinking go anywhere with a man she just met.
22. Take off your clothes anyplace someone has a camera or video recording device.
23. Make excuses for your kid’s obnoxious behavior.
24. Buy something you don’t need just because it’s on sale.
25. Run down a girlfriend behind her back.
26. Keep a stuffed animal on your bed after the age of sixteen. [Tough shit, it's a gift from Fizzy.]
27. Get on the back of a motorcycle with a man who is younger than your dad. [Bullshit.]
28. Ignore signs of cancer in the hopes that it will just go away.
29. Fall in love with a “bad boy.” [This one is true. They tend to be dicks.]
30. Refuse to tell a man what you really want for your birthday and then be disappointed by the gift you receive.
31. Provide the sole financial support for a man who is not disabled or completing his education. [Not beyond three months, anyway.]
32. Go more than six months without telling your dad how you feel about him.
33. Agree to be on a reality show with the words, “Real Housewives”, “Bachelor,” or “Bret Michaels” in the title.
34. [Deleted so I wouldn't get that fucking god-awful can-you-tell-I-hate-it cunt-ry song stuck in my head]
35. Expect to find a man in the twenty first century like Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy.
36. Tell your man, “You really didn’t have to.” (He did. He really, really did.)
37. Expect a man to understand why you like diamonds.
38. Limit your Bible reading to the verses in your self-help oriented devotional. [Indeed, you should read the whole Bible so you can understand why it's such a crock of shit.]
39. Serve in combat (unless your name is Joan of Arc). [Double Bullshit.] ETA: Took away the bold because duh self, she said "combat" not "the military." But the advice itself is still bullshit.
40. Flirt irresponsibly.
41. Give unsolicited advice about breastfeeding.
42. Pierce any body part that is lower than your neck.
43. Write “Hey Cutie. How’ve you Been? I miss you!” on your now-married, former boyfriend’s Facebook wall.
44. Use profanity in any situation where your toe is not stubbed. [Bullshit.]
45. Remain desperately at home inventing lovers who call to say, “Come dance with me,” and murmur vague obscenities after the age of seventeen.
46. Be surprised when a man is unable to read you mind.
47. Assume that a stay-at-home mom doesn’t “work.” [It's a lot of work. It's not a job unless she's doing something that results in income.]
48. Assume that a work-outside-the-home mom is a bad parent. [WORD.]
49. Have a MySpace page after the age of 20. [I might have been 20 the last time I used it though. :P]
50. Take advice from a serpent about what produce to eat. [If a serpent is talking to you, you're already smoking the produce.]
1. Buy underwear at a thrift store. [In fact, just don't buy underwear unless it's sealed. Most department stores let you return underwear.]
2. Tell another woman, “You don’t look that fat.”
3. Stab another woman in the chest with a salad fork for saying, “You don’t look that fat.”
4. Believe a man who is not making eye contact but says, “Go ahead, I’m listening.”
5. Get a “tramp stamp” on your lower back.
6. Get a tattoo anywhere. [Aw, why not?]
7. Get a mullet.
8. Date one of your girlfriend’s exes.
9. Inject a neurotoxin into your face.
10. Expect your relationships to be anything like a romantic comedy.
11. Take advice from Oprah’s latest guru.
12. Be rude to a server.
13. Let anyone mentally, physically, or verbally abuse you
14. Apply eye makeup while driving and/or stopped in traffic.
15. Ask your man, “Do you think she looks prettier than me?” (He doesn’t. He really, really doesn’t.)
16. Eat garlic, spinach, or corn on the cob on a first date.
17. Wear makeup to bed.
18. Attend a wedding looking better than the bride.
19. Apologize for being modest or chaste.
20. Think anyone wants to see pictures of your cat(s).
21. Let a girlfriend who has been drinking go anywhere with a man she just met.
22. Take off your clothes anyplace someone has a camera or video recording device.
23. Make excuses for your kid’s obnoxious behavior.
24. Buy something you don’t need just because it’s on sale.
25. Run down a girlfriend behind her back.
26. Keep a stuffed animal on your bed after the age of sixteen. [Tough shit, it's a gift from Fizzy.]
27. Get on the back of a motorcycle with a man who is younger than your dad. [Bullshit.]
28. Ignore signs of cancer in the hopes that it will just go away.
29. Fall in love with a “bad boy.” [This one is true. They tend to be dicks.]
30. Refuse to tell a man what you really want for your birthday and then be disappointed by the gift you receive.
31. Provide the sole financial support for a man who is not disabled or completing his education. [Not beyond three months, anyway.]
32. Go more than six months without telling your dad how you feel about him.
33. Agree to be on a reality show with the words, “Real Housewives”, “Bachelor,” or “Bret Michaels” in the title.
34. [Deleted so I wouldn't get that fucking god-awful can-you-tell-I-hate-it cunt-ry song stuck in my head]
35. Expect to find a man in the twenty first century like Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy.
36. Tell your man, “You really didn’t have to.” (He did. He really, really did.)
37. Expect a man to understand why you like diamonds.
38. Limit your Bible reading to the verses in your self-help oriented devotional. [Indeed, you should read the whole Bible so you can understand why it's such a crock of shit.]
39. Serve in combat (unless your name is Joan of Arc). [Double Bullshit.] ETA: Took away the bold because duh self, she said "combat" not "the military." But the advice itself is still bullshit.
40. Flirt irresponsibly.
41. Give unsolicited advice about breastfeeding.
42. Pierce any body part that is lower than your neck.
43. Write “Hey Cutie. How’ve you Been? I miss you!” on your now-married, former boyfriend’s Facebook wall.
44. Use profanity in any situation where your toe is not stubbed. [Bullshit.]
45. Remain desperately at home inventing lovers who call to say, “Come dance with me,” and murmur vague obscenities after the age of seventeen.
46. Be surprised when a man is unable to read you mind.
47. Assume that a stay-at-home mom doesn’t “work.” [It's a lot of work. It's not a job unless she's doing something that results in income.]
48. Assume that a work-outside-the-home mom is a bad parent. [WORD.]
49. Have a MySpace page after the age of 20. [I might have been 20 the last time I used it though. :P]
50. Take advice from a serpent about what produce to eat. [If a serpent is talking to you, you're already smoking the produce.]